I'm WHAT?
by the epic awesome Mii
Summary: Severus Snape is pregnant because of a potion and Harry Potter! How is Severus going to deal with hormones, cravings, and crazy witches and wizards? and will Harry survive?
1. Chapter 1: I'm WHAT?

**I'M What!**

**Chapter 1**

**Me: Guten Tag! I just had a random idea and decided . . . **

**Snape: You did not have a random idea. You saw a picture of Harry and my partonus having sex.**

**Me: But it gave me the idea**

**Snape: It would . . . **

**Me: Hush! Let's begin**

***ages (Snape) 40/20(Harry)**

* * *

**In Poppy's rest area**

**Snape's POV**

"I'M WHAT!" I yell at Poppy while glaring at Potter. That brat always caused me trouble. He tries to hide behind Granger and the Weasley.

"You are pregnant, Severus" Poppy tells me calmly.

"How the fuck am I pregnant?" I growl at her. She smiles. I glare at her. I wanted to blast that stupid smile from her face.

"Well . . . when two people love each other very much . . ." Dumbledumb (Dumbledore), the old bat, starts to explain with those damn twinkles in his eyes.

"I know how the brat was made, Albus! I would like to know how I am pregnant seeing how I am a MAN!" I growl. Dumbledore just gives me a smile with a damn twinkle in his eye. I swear him and those damn twinkles!

"He does have a point. Men don't get pregnant" Granger comments like always.

"Yeah and the last time I checked, Severus is fully male" the brat says with a lewd smile and twinkles in _his _damn eyes. I swear to God I am going to kill Potter.

"Well, it is because of a potion you took" Poppy tells me. I give her a blank stare. Potion. What potion? The only time I had a potion is when Potter gave me one to enhance the mood during . . .

"POTTER, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" I scream not giving a damn about anything. The brat smiled sheepishly and rubbed his hand behind his forehead.

"Sorry, Sev. I didn't know that it could happen. But hey! Look on the Brightside. You did have a good time. And besides, you didn't complain about the potion a few nights ago. As a matter a fact, you were screaming for more" The brat said happily.

Poppy, Weasley and Granger blush at the brat's comments while Dumbleass smiles and his damn eyes twinkle. I swear after this is through I will kill that brat and Dumbledore.

* * *

**Me: That is it for now**

**Severus: WHY THE HELL AM I PREGNANT!**

**Me: because of a potion and sex**

**Severus: I hate my life.**

**Harry: *pats Severus* There. There. Why don't I make you feel better? *grabs Severus like a rag doll and takes him into another room***

**Severus: *screams* Potter! Put me down! Potter! *25 minutes later* Potter! Damn it, Harry! Faster! Harder!**

**Me: Well, looks like they're busy! Thanks for reading. See u next time!**


	2. Chapter 2: Harry

**Chapter 2: Harry's Inner thoughts**

**Me: *saw the views and etc* I thank you so much! Me happy! *happy tears***

**Severus: They would enjoy my misery! **

**Me: No, they just like a pregnant you with Harry**

**Harry: *grabs Severus* Mine!**

**Me: Calm down. No one will take him. Anyway, enjoy**

**Disclamir: I don't own anything**

* * *

**Harry's Pov **

"I'M WHAT!" Sevy yells as we all cover our ears at the loud screaming. Oh, shit! He is _so _mad at me. I hid behind Ron and Hermione for protection. I happen to like my dick, thank you very much.

"You are pregnant, Severus" Poppy tells Sev calmly. I don't know how she can stay so calm after that outburst. I have never heard Sev scream that loud except for when I fuck his nice . . .

"How the fuck am I pregnant?" Sev asked Poppy and snapped me out of my lewd thoughts. Hey! You would have them to if you see his ass.

"Well . . . when two people love each other very much. . ." Dumbledore starts and I smirk.

"I know how the brat was made, Albus! I would like to know how I am pregnant seeing how I am a MAN!" Severus growls. 'That is true' I thought. 'I hope it isn't because of some potion'

"He does have a point. Men do not get pregnant." Hermione comments.

"Yeah and the last time I checked, Severus is fully male" I say with a lewd smile. I can feel Severus glaring at me. I don't see why. It isn't my fault that he is pregnant.

"Well, it is because of a potion you took" Poppy tells Severus. Severus gives her a blank stare. 'Potion. What potion? The only time Severus had a potion is when I gave him one to enhance the mood during . . .' I thought until realizing what happened. 'Uh oh'

"POTTER, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Severus screams not giving a damn about anything. I smiled sheepishly and rubbed my hand behind my forehead. 'Whoops, maybe it is my fault. I didn't know that potion could make him pregnant. I thought it will help increase Sev's mood to have sex with me'

"Sorry, Sev. I didn't know that it could happen. But hey! Look on the Brightside. You did have a good time. And besides, you didn't complain about the potion a few nights ago. As a matter a fact, you were screaming for more" I said happily hoping that it would make him feel better.

Poppy, Ron and Hermione blush at my comments while Dumbledore smiles. Severus looks at me as if he will murder me in worse ways than Voldemort ever could achieve.

"Potter," Sev says slowly. I hid behind Dumbledore. Hey! I like my life! "I AM GOING TO FUCKING CHOP OF YOUR DICK , GRIND IN THE GRINDER AND MAKE YOU EAT IT!" Severus yells at me.

I gulp and looked at Dumbledore for reassurance that Severus will not do that to me. He looked with a luck that says '_He's not kidding'_ I gulp again. 'I'm doomed' I thought.

"I think that Potter and Snape should have a talk about what happened and decide on what is best for the child" Dumbledore tells us. I look at him fearfully. 'Please don't leave! I need you to help ensure my survival!'

With that, Dumbledore released my hands from his robes and my friends, Poppy and him left, leaving me and Snape alone.

"Yes. Let's talk about this _issue,_ Potter" Severus says slowly. I gulp. I don't think I will survive this ordeal.

* * *

**Me: That's it for now.**

**Harry: Will I survive?**

**Me: Yes and no.**

**Harry: ?**

**Me: Mortally, Yes. Mentally, . . . **

**Harry: I'm doomed.**

**Severus: No, I'm doomed. *yells at Harry* YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A FAT WHALE! **

**Harry: *innocently* You'll make a cute one. . . **

**Severus: Harry . . . **

**Me: Sev. Don't kill Harry, now. Do it later. Now, Ron!**

**Ron: Please View!**

**Me: Bye!**


	3. Chapter 3: Damn emotions!

**Chapter 3**

**Me: Hello, welcome back!**

**Severus: You would leave this story hanging for a long period of time.**

**Me: Shut it or I will make you do kinky things with Harry.**

**Severus: You wouldn't**

**Me: I would.**

**Severus: Fine.**

* * *

_Harry's POV_

I am going to die. I am _soooo _going to die. Me, the savior of the hero world, will die by the hands of Severus Snape, my sexy pregnant wife. Well, soon to be wife, if I live. Hey, I might. I mean I convinced Voldem. . er . . Tom to stop the war. He is now dating my friend, Ron. I mean who knew he had a thing for red heads. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, worrying about my possible death by Sev.

" MR. POTTER!" Severus yelled at me for not paying attention to him. Well, I'm sorry I have to have my last thoughts before I die in my grave.

"Yea, Sev-dear" I see his right eyebrow twitch when I tell him that. What. I am the man in this relationship.

"Stop calling me that, you insolent brat. As you know, I am having your child from some potion that YOU made me drink. However, I will understand if you don't want me to have him/her considering you are busy being an Auror and . . . "

Hold up. Did he say what I think he said? "Severus, do you think I am ashamed of being with you? We've been together for 2 years and engaged!"

Severus looks at me straight into my emerald green eyes and mine into his dark black ones. "Severus Snape, I am not ashamed of being with you and would love for you to have all of my kids. Besides, I like the idea of having little Potters running around."

"Potters?" Severus raised his eyebrow in his normal fashion. I gulp. I forgot about his view on taking my last name.

"Well, yeah. You would be Mrs. Severus Potter when we get married like Ron is Mrs. Riddle." I tell him while slowly backing away near the door.

"Mrs?" Severus says slowly. I nod. "I mean you do look a little feminine and I do wear the pants in this relationship."

Severus glares at me. "Just because I let you fuck me does not mean I want to be called Mrs. Or take up your last name."

Well, at least I will live and see my kids. "Come on, Sev. What is wrong with having my last name and being called Mrs. You even like to cross-dress sometimes."

Severus blushes while glaring at me. "Shut it."

"And you are the screamer. . ."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't."

"Hn". Severus grunts at me. I smile at his cuteness and walk up to kiss his nose.

"So, will you stay with me and have my kids?" I ask while wrapping my arms around his waist.

He grumbled "Fine" I smile again and kiss his lips.

"Don't worry. I will never leave you." I tell Severus. Severus smiles as he pulls away. "You better not."

* * *

**Me: Yea! Done with this chapter!**

**Severus: Why am I so emotional?**

**Me: You are preggers.**

**Severus; I hate you.**

**Me: Whatever, R and R!**


	4. Chapter 4: Ron and Tom

**Chapter 4**

**Me: Yea, chapter 4!**

**Ron: I can't believe I am with Voldemort!**

**Me: Yep!**

**Ron: Why?!**

**Me: Because I can**

* * *

_Severus's POV_

_In the dungeon_

"So, you are pregnant, Snape?" Tom asked me. I nod. I still can't believe I am pregnant with Pot . . . er Harry's child. Also, I can't believe how different Voldemort. . er Tom appears now. Instead of that creepy appearance he always had, he now has a full head of jet black hair that is slightly curled at the ends, red eyes pale skin, and looks about in his 30s. He also appears happier. Trust me, this is a big improvement from the killing maniac a few years ago. It still amazes me how Harry and Ron stopped Tom and showed him love. Sorry, I lost track about what is going on. These damn emotions are getting through to me. And it is all Potter's fault!

"Thinking about how everything changed, Snape?" Tom asks me as I stare at him in shock. How did he know? Is he using …

"No, I am not "reading your mind"as the muggles say. Your facial expresson is telling me everything" Tom tells me while interrupting my thoughts. Damn. That brat is making me show my goddamn emotions.

"Hn. How are you and Weasley?" I ask. It still superises me how those two got together. I mean they are the most unlikely couple. But hey, I am with boy wonder who is the son of the man I hate and the woman I love. So, I really can't talk.

Tom smile. I cringe a little. Hey, it is still an adjustment. "We are doing just fine. He is the best thing I could ask for." I can tell Tom is thinking naughty thoughts about the Weasley. He has a look that is similar to Harry's just before he rams that thick . . . okay, Snape. Calm down. Sex, later. You are acting like a hormonal teenager!

"RIDDLE!" I heard a yell and I turn to see a cherry faced Weasley glaring at Tom. "Quit thinking like that about me!"

"Why not?" Tom asks. I turn towards Tom.

"Because it is embrassing!"

"Well, I'm sorry you look so delectable in that mermaid's outfit last night"

"RIDDLE!" I cringe again. Too much information. I do not need to know their sex life. I hear it enough already. It is a miracle Weasley is able to walk sometimes.

"Tom, may you please stop. I already hear enough of you two" I tell him while the Weasley blushes even more.

"SEE I TOLD YOU!" the Weasley yells.

Tom rolls his eyes. "Anyway, Ron-honey, are you done with your guest list?"

The Weasley nodded. Yep, the two are getting married. Ron will now be called Mrs. Riddle. It is quite fun teasing the Weasley of that.

"Yea. Tom, can't I just wear a suit. I AM A BOY!" Weasley whined. I chuckle.

"No and I don't see why you are complaining. You've cross-dressed before. And , I don't know why you are laughing. Harry will make you wear a dress in a heartbeat." Tom comments.

I scowl. Damn, him. He is right. That brat will try to get me to wear a dress at the wedding.

"Ha!Ha! Mrs. Potter!" Weasley laughs. I roll my eyes.

"Likewise, MRS. Riddle" I comment. Being a Slytherin is so much fun.

Weasley blushes some more while Tom smirks. I can tell he is happy to finally claim the Weasley as his own. It is a miracle that Tom haven't killed then men that look at the Weasley in a sexual light. Trust me, some of the staff that look at the red-head quite lewdly.

"Now, Severus, I will have to go and celebrate with my wife." Tom smirks again while Ron gulps and blushes harder. From all that blushing, I am amazed that he did not pass out.

Ron waves goodbye and is soon carried by Tom bridal style out of my layer. Yes, the dungeon is _my _layer. Later, the brat er Harry came down into my layer.

"So Sev, how have you been these past few hours without me?" Potter says while wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

"Fine. I suppose. Ron and Tom visited me earlier. It is a miracle your friend did not faint form all of the blushing he did"

Harry laughs. Damn, I called him Harry.

"I'm not surprised. Tom always flirts with Ron. He tells me thinks a blushing Ron is adorable" Potter tells me.

"Hn" I comment. Potter rolls his eyes at my response. I don't see why. It was a logical response.

"How is the baby?" Potter asks me.

"The baby is fine. All I hope is that he does not gain your intellect" I tell Potter. Potter rolls his eyes again.

"Hey! I have intelligence, Sev!"

I gave him one of my infamous looks. "Oh really, you used your friend Ron to fall in love with Tom and stop the war"

Potter smirks. "It worked didn't it."

"Shut it. You are still an idiot" I say as I glare at him. Why on Earth am I with Potter? Why?

"Well, let's see if I am an idiot after I am done with you." Harry says with a smirk in his face as he assingrated us home. I looked into his eyes to see them filled with lust. I gulp. I am so not going to able to walk for a week. . . not that I mind of course.

* * *

**ME: Finally done!**

**Ron: I hate you! You paired me with Voldemort! Where's Harry?**

***Severus screams in a closet***

**Me: Does that answer your question?**

**Ron: *nods***

**Me: Good! Read and Review!**


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